I find it very irritating that I have to come up with a title every time

I've done quite a bit of newspaper reading in my day. And, I'll admit, 90% of that is from the sports page. So I don't know if this applies to all other sections that a more well-rounded individual might read, but I can only assume that it does. What I am talking about is these advertisers that try to pass off an advertisement as an actual story from the paper. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's really very amusing. It'll usually be on one of the last pages in the section, maybe with some high school sports scores or something. There will be a border around it with bold letters that say "ADVERTISEMENT," because there really are people out there who are stupid enough to think that it is an actual story. It's also in a different or smaller font than the rest of the paper as well. Even with the admission that it is an advertisement, I'm sure that fact is still lost on some of the more dim-witted of us--because if it didn't work, they wouldn't do it. The "story" will be complete with a realistic-sounding title, such as "New lure sure to make a splash" or some nonsense like that. There will even be a little picture of the author, just as they oftentimes have in actual articles in the paper. He'll always have some nickname too, to make him seem real, like Mike "Trout" Norris. There may even be a name for the "column," like "Outdoors with Oliver," or "Lakes and Forests with Trout Norris," or something of that ridiculous nature. There will, of course, be a dateline as well, and it will start out just like a real story, but things will soon take a terrible turn. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:

Austin, Texas - They've finally done it. Someone has come up with a way to catch fish that is not only extremely effective, but affordable. It's called the Magic Lure, and it's guaranteed to be the best bait you've ever used. I didn't believe it either at first, folks, but believe me, it really works. I took my rod and new Magic Lure out onto Lake Scott, and I caught twice as many fish as I ever had before. I caught enough to cook dinner for the whole family and even a few neighbors we invited over. They say that the secret is in the realistic movement caused by the patented DoubleTwist tail action that precisely simulates actual prey that these fish normally eat. With the Magic Lure, you can catch bass, catfish, perch, and many other types of fish that used to be so much more difficult. The Magic Lure - it's an angler's best friend.

Etc, etc, etc. You get the picture

If you fall for these advertisements, I'm shocked that you're even able to read in the first place. Well, if Trout Norris says it, it MUST be true. But honey, I've never even seen you fish before. Dear, don't argue with the Trout. He knows his stuff.