Sports
As you may know, I am a big sports fan. But I am not a fan of just any sports. There are some sports I like, and some I don't like. I love basketball, and baseball, and football, and golf. But the Kentucky Derby is coming up on Saturday, and in honor of that I would like to focus your attention for a moment upon some "sports" that I find to be absolutely atrocious.
- Horse racing. I don't consider horse racing a sport. If an animal is the one that's actually doing the work, how is that a sport? So what the entirety of horse racing boils down to is which faggy, rich guy can train his horse to run the fastest and find the shrimpiest little guy to dress up in a costume and ride on him. Then race day comes and there's this huge buildup for hours leading up to the race. Then the race lasts about a minute and a half. One horse wins, trots around, the jockey gets some flowers, the owner and trainer hug their families, and I die a little inside. In addition to all this, all of these horses have such terrible names it's almost beyond belief. Seabiscuit - what the hell is that? Secretariat? Man-o-war? That's a freaking jellyfish. Here is a list of some of the past winners of the Kentucky Derby: Smarty Jones, Funny Cide, Fusaichi Pegasus, Real Quiet, Silver Charm, Thunder Gulch, Sea Hero, Lil E. Tee, Spend A Buck, Pleasant Colony, Tomy Lee, Tim Tam, Kill me. That last one wasn't a horse name. The only good horse name I've ever seen, other than my own creation (Glue If He Loses, which has never actually been applied to a horse as far as I know), was the 1929 Derby Winner, Clyde Van Dusen.
- NASCAR. By the same token as horse racing, this is not a sport. The machine is doing the work. Plus the races are extremely long and boring. How can anybody watch that. Round and round the track. And do I even have to mention the redneck factor? Every NASCAR driver is named Dale, Dick or Darryl. And where are all the black people?
- Soccer. This is the most boring sport in the history of the planet. Almost everybody who knows me knows how much I despise soccer. And in reality, I despise all people who like soccer as well. Worst. Sport. Ever. Plus, have you seen those red flags at the corners of the field? It's communist. Should I even go into the fans? Soccer hooligans. No sport has caused more riots or fan deaths than soccer. In fact, you could probably add up all the fan deaths caused by every other sport and they wouldn't come to within 10 percent of the total of soccer.
- Hockey. I've tried to like hockey. I really have. And I guess it's not really hockey that I don't like, but the National Hockey League, which has got to be the worst sports league in America. It's losing popularity as it is, but they're still gonna have a work stoppage and argue over a salary cap? Even if they do come back, the league will go under within 5 years. And nobody will care
- Quidditch. Harry Potter is a menace. There are video games. There are online quidditch leagues in which games take place in chatrooms, if you can believe that.
- Boxing. What is the point of boxing? Two guys beating the hell out of each other. Why? I understand that people like it. It's fun to watch people bleed. But who would ever want to do it? Hey George, why don't you get in the ring with that guy and punch him and try not to let him punch you. Ok!
- Professional Wrestling. Everybody knows it isn't a sport. It's an act. But the actors are SOOOOOO bad. I DON'T LIKE THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE, BOY. The storylines have gotten so ridiculous too. And people actually buy into this stuff. In my hometown, there is a show on public access called "Pro Wrestling Newz-N-Viewz," which has 3 middle-aged men (One of whom has the worst hairstyle I have ever seen. I don't know if it's a toupee or what, but it makes me gag looking at it.) who sit there and talk about wrestling. They are the most pathetic people I have ever seen. I will pay someone a dollar to email that guy and ask him what the deal with his hair is. By the way, this is the kind of thing that dwhit will be doing in 25 years.
- Volleyball. Sucks.
posted by Brad @ 4:19 PM
12 Comments:
I agree. Although the only sport I like is football, so my list would include basketball and baseball. Love to golf, but hate people who watch it on tv. There's another sport I hate although I can't remember what its called. Its where these idiots get dressed up in armor and have shields and swords and basically just attack eachother. Its some stupid ass fantasy thing. Dumbest thing ever.
Oh my god. These idiots do that shit in a park in my hometown all the time. The people that I know who do it are the biggest losers you could possibly imagine meeting. I think they call it Belegarth or something like that. Seeing them do that kills my brain cells.
Oh, and it gets worse.
If you acknowledge ESPN and it's ugly stepsister, ESPN2 or "The Deuce," as the arbiter of what qualifies as sport, your blood pressure should reach critical levels with one look at the TV Guide.
How did poker become a sport? Even worse is "Celebrity Poker."
Cheerleading? Cheerleading qualifies as a sport? On what planet?
The X-Games, which is basically the videotaping of slackers finding creative ways to put mommy and daddy's Blue Cross and Blue Shield to the test.
And that lumberjack competition that they like to show in the middle of the day, when businessmen in power T-shirts flock to the nearest Sports Bar to have lunch and fantasize about sawing large tree trunks with gas-powered chain saws instead of returning to their cubicle for adventures in e-mailing.
As a sports editor, even in a small town, I often struggle with what gets to wear the tag as "sport."
*Morris Workman
www.morrisworkman.com
workmanchronicles.blogspot.com
dvtsports.blogspot.com
I don't know if I'd qualify cheerleading as a sport, but I do realize that they do have to be in shape to do it. I mean seriously do the fat cheerleaders look as good as the skinny cheerleaders? No. I was in dance...which in my hypocrisy is much better than cheerleading, but with all respect its basically all the same shit. It does take skill, and dedication. I'm not saying cheerleading and dance are up there with football, but can you do the splits? I don't think football players should be payed millions of dollars, but I can't do what they can do so maybe they should get the money they are payed.
I don't think that just because an activity takes athletic ability and physical prowess it is automatically a sport. Cheerleading is not a sport. I don't think figure skating or gymnastics are sports either because the competition of a sport should be based on some measurable statistics, not the scores given by judges.
The money has nothing to do with it. Football players and other athletes in high-profile sports are paid a lot of money because their product is more marketable and MAKES a lot of money. It doesn't mean that what they do is more or less difficult than other, lower-paying athletic professions. If nobody watched football on tv and went to the games, football players wouldn't make good money.
I watch figure skating the same way I watch NASCAR...I don't care about the scores or the talent, I'm just waiting for the crash in turn four.
*Morris Workman
www.morrisworkman.com
workmanchronicles.blogspot.com
dvtsports.blogspot.com
Regarding your comment on "Pro Wrestling Newz N' Viewz": that is a toupee that the one guy is wearing. I live where that show is made and I went to high school with the person in question,his name is John Pithers and the other two are Pat Gallagher and Randy Fox. After high school,we sort of drifted apart and went separate ways and I didn't see him again until I saw him on TV and,when I did,I couldn't believe what I seeing! I mean,that thing just screams "TOUPEE!!!!!" I couldn't believe that he had lost his natural hair at such an early age (I still possess a full head of hair,thank you) and I always wanted to ask him but,of course,I couldn't do that,so I instead asked a guy that he works with (not the aforementioned) and,after laughing at my alleged naivete,he confirmed that he,indeed,wear a hairpiece...don't bother sending me a dollar,I just wanted to confirm your suspicions and,now that I have,I'm done.
P.S. With regards to the other sporting events,I don't actively partcipate in any of them,either as a contestant or a fan
Hey Brad, great blog, I was searching for other horse figurine related sites and found your very interesting blog. Sports is a great title and I enjoyed my visit. Im off to find what I am looking for other horse figurine related sites. I will book mark you and come back to finish reading yours. Thank you.
Hey Brad GREAT title Sports. Thats what actually caught my eye. I was surfing blogs to try and help my customers and visitors with information on my website about ##Keyword## and paused to read but ran out of time. I will book mark it and come back to read later. This isn't really what I was looking for what I really need is information about http://www.horse-lover-gift-ideas-central.com/ related subjects but thank you and I shall return. I wish you well.
First off, I am a HUGE sports fan...much bigger than anyone else on here. Secondly, why do you feel a need to make fun of the hosts of Pro Wrestling Newz N Viewz. I use dto work with one of them and all three guys are great. They are extremely knowledgable about their interest (which happens to be wrestling). Wrestling is no different than watching a movie. The outcome is scripted but at least in wrestling, the hero doesn't always win.
Belegarth is a sport. Don't knock it till you try it. Belegarth is ALOT harder than most of your usual sports like football and whatnot. If you are going to insult people who play belegarth, you should try it just once. Then you will know how hard it actually is. It is also LOADS of fun, its a great way to let out your energy and meet some new people.
I recently got into belegarth, and have been playing for about a year. We have had so many people insult us when we fight. Eventually we talk them into trying to fight just once, and they enjoy the sport. They usually come back to play again.
so once again
Don't Knock it till You Try it.
Differend strokes for different folks......
I am a big sports fan, I like the majority of main stream sports out there. And othe sports related entertainment. There are some I am not really into: Hockey, Nascar, UFC, etc.
But I realize to be successful at any of the sports/activities you mention as well as the ones you didn't mention, takes a great deal of talent/hard work/dedication. Point being you are probably a loser and your blog sucked.
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