Why women shouldn't drive

A 16-year-old girl who had a legal learner's permit was doing what teenagers everywhere do: practicing parallel parking with her mother. But something went terribly wrong.

The Associated Press reports that the mother, Ryta Z. Deriso, and her daughter had set up cones on a quiet street near their home in Marlboro, N.J. to practice parking. The girl was backing up the car when she pressed the accelerator too hard, causing the car to jump up onto the curb and hit her mother who was standing there watching her daughter. Deriso, 44, was pronounced dead last Thursday. The girl's name is not being released since she is a juvenile. No charges will be filed, Robert A. Honecker Jr., a Monmouth County prosecutor, told AP. "This is going down as a tragic accident," he said.

A similar freak accident occurred days later in Philadelphia when a 15-year-old girl, who did not have a learner's permit, was getting a driving lesson from her father in a parking lot on Sunday afternoon. The Philadelphia Daily News reports that she mixed up the gas and brake pedals and lost control of the car, which crashed into a front yard and killed a young mother. The vehicle narrowly missed the mother's 1-year-old baby. Sarah McGinley, 18, had been playing with her daughter outside when the accident occurred. An eyewitness described the incident, saying he saw the car "flying through the air." McGinley managed to toss her baby to safety in nearby bushes, but she was unable to save herself. The car struck her and trapped her beneath it. About a dozen men in the neighborhood rushed to the accident scene and lifted the car off McGinley, but she died about three hours later. So far no charges have been filed against the teenager or her father.

How can shit like this possibly happen? Mind boggling. YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP (inside joke). If you can't figure out which pedal is the brake and which is the gas, you probably shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car. Even if they don't get these kids on manslaughter, they should at least get them for being so goddamn stupid. If you kill someone with a car, purposefully or not, you should never be able to drive ever again. Not even a Power Wheels car. This is exactly why I'm never having kids. One of those little bastards will end up killing me. I say that you should not be able to have a driver's license until you're 35. If you can't be president, you can't drive. That's the way I see it. And once you turn 65, it gets taken away. After that, it's too much of a risk to humanity to have your old bones behind the wheel. You could drop your dentures and take out a town.