Attention Associates

I think it's funny that large companies give their employees that do menial tasks job titles that make them sound way more important than they actually are. For example, Wal-Mart calls all of its employees "associates." So when you're there, you'll hear an announcement over the P.A. system like, "will an associate in Toys please call extension 277?" Associate? You mean Joe Blow who's stocking the shelves. Is that supposed to make them feel better about only getting that far in life? Hey, Brian, I haven't seen you in like 10 years! What are you doing these days? Well, I'm an Associate for one of the largest corporations in the world. Wow, Brian, good for you. You've really made something of yourself. You probably won't be impressed that I am a lawyer now. I don't get it, you always got such bad grades in school.

Fast food restaurants will also give all of their employees important-sounding titles. Everyone who works at Wendy's is Shift Manager, or Safety Coordinator, or Operations Associate. Look at their nametags. None of them say "Fryolator Operator" or "Ketchup Squeezer" like they should.

If this kind of stuff really makes a difference to people, it makes me wish I had my own store. I'd give all my employees important-sounding titles if it means that I can pay them minimum wage. "Any President of the Company, cleanup in aisle 5 please. Any President of the Company, cleanup in aisle 5."

For me, personally, it's the opposite. I don't care what title you give me. I want the money. If you pay me enough, I'll be a Goat Ball Licker.