State of the House

With the recent rash of "State of the (blank)" speeches given by everyone from political leaders, to business executives, to local dirtbags, I have decided that I will be holding my first annual "State of the House" address this Sunday in the kitchen. I will be discussing the issues that we have been dealing with in the past year at our humble establishment here on First Street, from pervading aromas, to aquatic difficulties, to Fat Man's Bluff, as well as the house's outlook for the future, from prospective dwellers to our pending application for tax exempt status as one of Athens County's historic landmarks. A reception will be held immediately following the speech in Luke's Room. Milk and carrot sticks will be served and a good time will be had by all in attendance. Tickets to the event will be $500 a pair, which includes admission, refreshments, and Dan Pittman acting as your slave for a day. Being a house, of course, we have a limited capacity, so reserve your tickets today. And if you find that you are unable to attend, donations are also accepted. We appreciate your generosity and your interest in the betterment of 46 First Street.