good work

Well folks, it looks like we have a new King of the Douchebags. Today, some jackass decided he wanted to kill himself. So he drove his car onto some railroad tracks and waited for the train to arrive. Except before the train got there he had a change of heart and decided life was worth living after all. Except the asshole left his car sitting on the railroad tracks. The train slammed into the car, of course with the driver safely out of the area, and derailed, smashing into two other trains and killing ten people and injuring 200 more. Verrrrrrry impressive. So, for a quick recap, this retard wanted to kill one person. He ended up killing ten, none of which were the intended target. And now he's being charged with homicide. Good luck getting off on that one buddy. You should have just stayed in the car. Because now, not only does everyone in the world think you're one of the worst people ever, you're gonna be on suicide watch and you're not gonna be able to kill yourself even if you want to. But they will have to guard you closely because who knows how many innocent bystanders might go down the next time.

I did some investigating of the guy's house, and found a list he had made of other possible ways he could kill himself. This is how it read:

Possible Suicide Methods

1. Park car on train tracks and wait for train to barrel into me.
2. While on a commercial flight, open the door you're not supposed to open and get sucked out.
3. Play Laser Tag, but switch everyone's lasers out for real guns except mine.
4. Randomly fire bullets straight up into the air, hoping one of them comes straight back down and hits me in the head.
5. Burn down all grocery stores and restaurants so I can't get any more food and starve to death.
   
6. Detonate nuclear bomb inside my house.
7. Have sex with Magic Johnson