I am one annoying bastard

This is my favorite IM conversation ever. It's from about two years ago. I was talking to Dave, my roommate at the time, who is two rooms away from me, while he is working on an important assignment. Also, FYI, Emily (who is mentioned below) is not a real person. She doesn't exist - Dave made her up.

BishopDMagicJuan: hey
DRob110: hey
BishopDMagicJuan: what's up?
DRob110: not much
BishopDMagicJuan: studying?
DRob110: talking to my brother
DRob110: and doing my map
BishopDMagicJuan: jackness?
DRob110: uh huh
BishopDMagicJuan: tell jackness i said hello
DRob110: I did
BishopDMagicJuan: and that he should consider changing his name
DRob110: it's too late for that
BishopDMagicJuan: maybe to jacketry or jackitude or just plain old jack
DRob110: there are lots of variations
DRob110: jackification
DRob110: that's one
BishopDMagicJuan: maybe jackology or jackonomy or jackometry
BishopDMagicJuan: or walter
BishopDMagicJuan: or wanker
DRob110: I'll tell him
BishopDMagicJuan: ok
BishopDMagicJuan: how's the map coming?
DRob110: slow but sure
BishopDMagicJuan: what kind of map is it?
DRob110: geology of Ohio
DRob110: chloropleth
BishopDMagicJuan: drainage basins?
DRob110: nope
BishopDMagicJuan: rocks?
DRob110: yup
BishopDMagicJuan: minerals?
DRob110: yes
BishopDMagicJuan: limestone?
DRob110: no!! it's bedrock
BishopDMagicJuan: sandstone?
DRob110: bedrock
BishopDMagicJuan: basalt?
DRob110: see above
BishopDMagicJuan: what sort of rock is bedrock?
DRob110: old
BishopDMagicJuan: yeah but what kind is it?
BishopDMagicJuan: what type?
DRob110: Permain
DRob110: Pennsylvanian
BishopDMagicJuan: oh
BishopDMagicJuan: i've never heard of that
DRob110: Devonian
BishopDMagicJuan: is that kinda like granite?
DRob110: Mississippian
DRob110: Silurian
BishopDMagicJuan: is it sedimentary or metamorphic or igneous?
DRob110: Ordovician
BishopDMagicJuan: crimean?
DRob110: nope
BishopDMagicJuan: jurassic?
DRob110: these are ages
BishopDMagicJuan: mesozoic?
DRob110: nope
BishopDMagicJuan: amphibian?
BishopDMagicJuan: so what else is going on?
DRob110: stuff
BishopDMagicJuan: like what?
BishopDMagicJuan: how's emily?
DRob110: she's telling me to get my work done so we can play
BishopDMagicJuan: has she ever met jackness?
DRob110: nope
BishopDMagicJuan: what do you mean play?
DRob110: make out
BishopDMagicJuan: she has nice tits
DRob110: I know
BishopDMagicJuan: and ass
BishopDMagicJuan: i want to screw your girlfriend, dave
BishopDMagicJuan: why doesn't it tell me when you're typing?
DRob110: I ahve an old version
DRob110: and I'm not typing
BishopDMagicJuan: yeah but i have a new version
DRob110: I don't
BishopDMagicJuan: yes you are how else are you talking to me?
DRob110: I don't havea mic
BishopDMagicJuan: can you hear me?
DRob110: I can hear you though
BishopDMagicJuan: cooool
DRob110: I'll cut off your cock
BishopDMagicJuan: that's not gonna work for me
BishopDMagicJuan: finger or ear would be better
BishopDMagicJuan: even leg
BishopDMagicJuan: if you really have to, you can take one ball
BishopDMagicJuan: the right one preferrably
BishopDMagicJuan: that way i can still say "suck my left nut"
BishopDMagicJuan: even though i never say that
BishopDMagicJuan: map done yet?
DRob110: not even close
DRob110: thank you
BishopDMagicJuan: geez, you're slow
BishopDMagicJuan: oh, am i bothering you?
DRob110: you aren't helping
BishopDMagicJuan: sorry i apologize
BishopDMagicJuan: i bet jackness is bothering you too
BishopDMagicJuan: he's such a turd
BishopDMagicJuan: i haven't met him
BishopDMagicJuan: is he a turd?
BishopDMagicJuan: phone ringing
BishopDMagicJuan: for me?
DRob110: no
BishopDMagicJuan: for you?
DRob110: +
BishopDMagicJuan: is it . . . . emily? can i talk to her?!
BishopDMagicJuan: tell her to yell into the phone and i'll put it up to my balls to feel the vibrations
BishopDMagicJuan: don't worry i'll use my phone
BishopDMagicJuan: dave
BishopDMagicJuan: dave?
BishopDMagicJuan: that's it i'm coming over there

No wonder Dave moved to St. Louis. It was to get away from me.