what's in a name?
I believe that people should be grouped together into categories based on their first names. Which category do you fit into?
Category 1: People who are missing a letter in their name. This is generally a duplicate letter that has been inexplicably left out. The pronunciations of these names must be as if the missing letter was actually present. Some famous examples of Category 1 people are:
Tedy Bruschi (Teddy), linebacker for the New England Patriots
Wily Mo Pena (Willy), outfielder for the Cincinnati Reds
Jimy Williams (Jimmy), former big league manager with the Boston Red Sox and Houston Astros
Of course, to make fun of these people, pronounce their names as we would if we didn't know better (Teedy, Wiley Mo, Jymy).
Category 2: These are folks whose parents misspelled their names on their birth certificates. When making fun of these people, it's always great to make fun of how stupid their parents are. How could you spell your kid's name wrong? Retards. Some famous examples of Category 2 people are:
Oprah Winfrey (Orpah, a biblical name), one of the most famous television personalities in the world. I guess her parents being as dumb as a box of rocks didn't hurt her too much.
Jhonny Peralta (Johnny, of course), shortstop for the Cleveland Indians. This is just stupid.
Laveranues Coles (I'm not really sure how it was supposed to be spelled, but I KNOW it wasn't like that), wide receiver for the Washington Redskins. If you're going to make up a name for your kid, you should probably at least spell it like it's pronounced. In case you've never heard his name before, it's pronounced "Lavernius."
(more categories to come, I don't have time now)
posted by Brad @ 4:09 PM
5 Comments:
I believe that Breanne Mathews should be added to this list.
I believe another category should be made for people who don't like their own names. For instance Mrs. Megan Moore, the poster of the above comment.
Actually, Mathews is different because it doesn't change the pronounciation of the word on sight.
Or how Moore should be pronounced MOOOOOOOOOre. . . you know . . . like how Mrs. Moore's phone tends to pronounce it.
Where is the follow-up/addition to this post? I want more! And not Mr. or Mrs. Christopher Alexander Kirby Moore either!
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