I want some grape drink, baby

I've been spending a lot of time by myself lately, studying and whatnot. And when I spend so much time alone, things start to mess with my head. Any time I feel a tingle or itch on my leg I always think there's a bug on me. It's really tough in the dark. The thing is, the chances of it being a bug are very good, if you know anything about our house. I have red marks all over myself from slapping. I saw a spider on my desk yesterday. He ran away before I could catch him, so I couldn't sleep all night. What if he crawls in my mouth? You ever wake up the next morning and just get that feeling like you swallowed a spider? They say that you will swallow an average of five spiders a year, I believe. Think about that shit. I'm not afraid of spiders or anything, I just don't really have a taste for them.

You know what I really hate? When they dress up a bunch of chimps as people and have them act out some kind of scene on tv. How dumb is that? Then they have some idiots do voiceovers for them, and when they're talking they're showing their teeth and just moving them up and down. Sometimes they'll have to rewind and play back the tape to get a repetitive action. Then you always have one monkey waving a frying pan over his head or something. And a monkey always ends up kissing somebody in there somewhere. I can't believe people actually waste their time doing that stuff. If you find it entertaining, please remove yourself from society.

I swear to god that every single student at Ohio University gets on the horn with somebody after they get out of class. It's almost like a reflex. Step through the door, get out the phone. I usually get mine out and pretend to call somebody just so I don't feel like an outcast. Problem is then I have to make up a conversation to have with nobody. It usually goes something like this: "Hey. How's it going? What are you doing? Do you have any money? Give it to me. I love ya. I love ya. I just wanted to say it." Have you ever accidentally hit a button with your face and then it calls somebody? So in the middle of the fake conversation you have to start a real conversation but make a smooth transition so nobody around you notices. "Hey. How's it going? What are you doing? Do you have any money? Uhh, oh . . . it's Brad. Um, no I don't really want money. I don't know. My bad." The real conversation ends up sounding more phony than the fake one.