I'm back, baby

I'm back. This is my first post in well over a month. Why have I been gone? Well, I haven't really been busy, as I am still jobless. I've officially crossed the hazy line between "taking a break" and "unemployed." I am now a bum, living in my parents' basement. That said, I should have had plenty of time to write blog entries. In addition to that, I have had plenty of ideas. I think of things and say, "wow, that would make a great blog entry." I do stand-up comedy routines in my head, and ad-lib as I go along, to hilarious effect - in my own mind, anyway. But I don't write any of it on here. Why? Because it just seems like a waste of time, frankly. I mean, nobody reads this. My readership has dwindled significantly, unless a whole lot of people are reading and not commenting at all. So I ask of you, if you read this, comment so I know whether to go on or not. I mean, what's the point of relaying all this great material to you if YOU is just the vacuum of the internet. But even at this blog's peak, I had maybe 10 people reading it. And I just feel like it's worth more than that. There are a lot of blogs on the internet waaaay worse than this one that get a lot more readership. But I don't have the time, nor the inclination to go to the ends of the earth to try to get people to read my blog. Maybe I just think it's a lot better than it really is. I was hoping it would spread like a chain reaction from friends to friends, and I would have a few dozen readers by now. But it just hasn't happened. Either that, or they are the quietest readers ever. I mean, I get that there might be a dud entry every now and again, but I think the overall quality of my work is quite good. Better than yours at least. And it is only because I believe in myself that I will renew my efforts and continue on with this blog, for now at least.

That said, I have some thoughts on things.

Normally when a stand-up comedian comes onto the stage, he might ask how the audience is. "How's everybody doing tonight?!" And the audience responds with applause. But the way I see it is, that's not really an answer to the question. So one day I want to go to a comedy club and do the following: when the comedian asks, "How's everybody doing tonight?" I want to stand up and yell, "WELL, NOT TOO GOOD, (INSERT COMEDIAN'S NAME HERE). LAST NIGHT I POPPED A BLOOD VESSEL IN MY HEAD TRYING TO FORCE OUT A HUGE DUMP. PLUS LAST WEEK I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH TESTICULAR CANCER."

Testicular cancer. That's gotta suck. Having a testicle removed. Eww. I can think of about 286 parts of my body I would rather lose than my balls - including several lobes of the brain. Hell, just give me one hand and my cock 'n' balls and I'll be fine, you know what I'm saying? I think all the guys that have had to have a ball removed should form a club - Tom Green, Lance Armstrong, John Kruk, all of them - and their logo should be a can of tennis balls with just one ball in it.