What you can buy with $25

"PITTSBURGH (AP) - A T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hurt an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate so he wouldn't have to put the boy in the game, police said Friday."

Hmm . . . This is the first time I've ever seen anything about a children's sports coach doing anything inappropriate at all. Ordinarily, those coaches and parents are extremely well behaved, right? There have never been any incidents involving adult misbehavior at a kids' sporting event that I can recall hearing about.

Coach, coach coach. Come on now. Didn't you read my rules about making fun of retarded people. And if you're not allowed to make fun of them, you're sure as hell not allowed to injure them, or pay off a "hit boy" to do it either. And you had him hit him in the head and in the groin? The head, ok, that's one thing. He's dumb already, probably not gonna make much difference there. That's kinda like pissing in the ocean. Ain't gonna make much of a splash. But the groin? Come on, coach. That's all this kid has left. What if you ruined his chances of ever becoming one of those retarded fathers they sometimes show on daytime talk shows - you know, the ones who always hug their children just a little bit too long.

You know, I don't blame that kid who actually threw the ball at the retard at all. That coach gave him $25 to do it! Hell, when I was eight years old, I would have done pretty much anything for that much money. Do you know how many baseball cards you could buy with that kind of cash? Shit, I would have sat on his head and farted until he passed out. Hey, I'm just a kid. I don't know any better. I'm blinded by Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln dancing around in my head.